I make cake sometimes.
It mostly tastes pretty good.
I like chocolate cake.
~schmelle, 2018

Curious cute cannibalists can cook cleverly.
Brave bright boys bullied bodybuilders before being banned by big bad boss.
An anime adaptation aside are all actually alright again?
~schmelle, 2018

End of #Neet-Life? (Part FOUR) It’s almost over, THANK JIM STERLING!

4 days in, 1 day left
That’s right, I’m only doing half the internship because printers can’t officially suck my dick because only awesome things can suck my dick. Like Japanese onaholes, which I’m gonna get en masse if the other internship following this nightmare whatever this was.

Now, I’m not quitting because I didn’t like the company. The company was fine. The dude who took me to customers and showed me how he repairs fucking printers was fine. The other dude I was with also was okay. But the printers, man… the printers just took all the fun out of it. Also, it’s way too much driving around. I like helping people with IT problems, but I prefer to do it over the phone or email. Not that I don’t like getting my hands dirty, I’ll dig into any old computer/printer/server/whathaveyou I can get, but I wasn’t allowed to do that and also there’s always a clock ticking because customers NEED THEIR PRECIOUS PRINTERS NOW and you can’t accidentally break it and get away with it. Just like that one time where I broke my boss’ network and took the whole company offline for 90 minutes, that didn’t have any consequences at all, no sir, no, I’m just only doing helpdesk now until forever because I feel like it.

Sorry, I lost it there somewhat.

Tomorrow is my last day, and even though it’s definitely not a job for me it’s still kinda sad because I had at least something meaningfull to do with my time. Oh well.



Lol, creativity == 0.

Compare these two statements:
I have 19 figures (anime-themed) unopened in mint condition in my room right now. They probably worth at least 500 bucks, maybe even ~750.

My bank account is in the red. I'm not selling/trying to sell the figures.

Please help me figure out my life.

End of #Neet-Life? Part 3: Resignation

3 days in, 7 days left
So today was only half a day because I had a job interview at 2pm, and I had to leave at 1pm to be on time for that. So I only got 5 hours of printery things to report on. And the last hour didn’t have anything to do with printers, it was just the two trainees and me watching Rick and Morty. The German synchronization of Rick and Morty. Which is awful. I could feel my ears bleed. One of the even acknowledged how bad it is, but still didn’t change to English. I had to watch Justin Roiland videos to clean myself afterwards.

That was a lie. I didn’t watch any JR videos. I talked like Rick in my head while I was driving to the job interview.

In English, of course. Who would talk German in Germany? Fuck that.

Before the awful part I joined another printer repair guy and helped him replace a printer at a doctor’s office, and then started to help him repair another printer at another company that I forget what they make. It’s not important to my or your life though, unless you work with iron or steele or something like that for fun. Leave a comment if you want me to look up the location on Google Maps.

I say “started to help” because I had to leave when we were halfway through because I would have been late for the interview. That went well, I guess, because they also invited me to do an internship, and they might even pay me. So that’s good news? I have to get up at 5am for that, so eff them, really.

Also before the interview could begin I had to fill out a questionnaire about how I feel certain words reflect my personality. That wasn’t brought up though, and I think I failed that. Either I was too honest or too contradictory or too fake. We’ll see where it goes.

This seems like a good place to stop.

Porn at its Greatest

Girl: What if… what if I give you my phone and a little something extra?
Guy: I don’t know, what’s extra?
Guy: (…) you got another phone?
Girl: shakes head
Guy: or computer…? … I don’t know.
Girl: You could fuck me.


Affection got me nowhere.
Shake my bruised little head for you.
Maritime laws rule.
Reddit can go suck their cock.
~schmelle, 2018

Conforming to traditional haiku format is boring. I need new stimuli.

End of #Neet-Life – Part 2: The Awakening

(The second day was still boring.)
Not as boring as yesterday, although that may be in part because today I actually got to sleep at night, and woke up rested and fit. (Not totally rested and absolutely not fit, but you get the idea.) We worked on more printers today, in multiple locations, with the usual amount of clueless normalfags being dumb and stupid being normalfags. At one location I sighted a cute, pretty girl so the day wasn’t a complete waste. Would have taken pictures if I was able to act stealthily.

In other news, tomorrow I got another job interview. This might finally work out and hopefully be more interesting.

Please continue to wish me luck.

Also please let this government form on the one condition that they make universal basic income a reality. I need more #neetbux.

End of #NEET-Life?

Today I started a two-week internship (unpaid, huzzah!) at an office supply distributor and service company. My responsibilities included sitting in my co-workers car, carring a portable vacuum cleaner, lifting printers and transporting documents. Oh, and one time I was sent to get my co-workers phone from the car.

Terribly exciting stuff. I don’t know if I have any future in this business, though. It’s not that I’m not interested in (printer) technology and fixing (computer) hardware with my actual, 3D, real-life hands. But at this company there’s too much driving around and standing in rooms that make me uncomfortable, and way too much standing up. I miss my old office job already. I missed my comfy little #neet cave.

Also too much windows, too much windows 10, and too many unstoppable windows 10 updates when we didn’t need them.

I have nine days to go. Wish me luck.

devices, devices, devices

…or how my tech has evolved over time
I got my first laptop in 2009. It was, at the time, a moderately good laptop with okay-ish specs. Good enough for any 15-year-old farting around on the Internet, anyway. It came with Windows Vista which honestly didn’t give me to many problems. My impression, especially after being thrown in the pit with the “lol vista” memes, has always been that, if you knew what you were doing, or at least good reasonably well fake it, Vista wasn’t so bad or buggy. It asked for your permissions a lot, but in light of recent activities by hacking and security organizations alike that doesn’t seem like such a bad feature.
I used this laptop (it was a 15″ Samsung) for close to three years. Nothing too heavy, just your average teenage web browsing, skyping, writing homework assignments, porn, and watching anime. And it did it’s job admirable well, with the only exception being a weird driver issue that both Vista and 7 couldn’t fix. But in 2012, encouraged a good friend, I finally said goodbye to the old friend and sold it off to my cousin. (That doesn’t count as nepotism, doesn’t it? I never get the cool words…)

My second laptop was the first one where I dived into the shallow waters of online hardware configuration, mostly guided by the earlier mentioned friend. The primary reason for the switch to a newer machine was the release of Guild Wars 2, which said friend wanted me to also start playing. I got this one in 2012, just a couple of weeks after GW2 was released (in fact, I had GW2 while still waiting for the laptop), from XMG/Schenker. Compared to the tame Samsung this one was powerful beast: 17″ full-hd anti-glare screen, Intel i7 quad core, NVIDIA mobile graphics card, 8gb of memory. Very much to my friend’s dismay, I used this little monster mainly to watch more anime, more hentai, and try and start to learn video encoding. That last one didn’t go very far, but at least I was maxing out my hardware there.

The third laptop I aquired in 2013, just one year after I got the gaming-used-mainly-for-anime laptop, and I didn’t get rid of the latter. This one was an 11″ Lenovo IdeaPad S210, a marvelous little machine. I got it because my original idea was to take it with me to Australia, where I would spend a year doing work-and-travel stuff. That didn’t turn out to be the case though, as I am an Internet-addicted, people-fearing, shy little bastard who flew back the second he ran out of money. (There was some early failure-induced depression involved as well, but I digress.) Once I returned home I didn’t really use this one very much, and later I sold it to my mum (together with fat-ass gaming laptop) so I could afford a newer one.

Have I mentioned that I’m really bad at budgeting? No? Okay, consider I told you now.

My next purchase came in February 2014. It was the HP ProLiant G7 MicroServer N54L, with Debian on a USB stick in the back and 4x3TB hard drives in a RAID5 configuration. Again a friend helped me out here, since that was the first time I even thought of getting a NAS. It served me well until October 2017, when I booted it up and it showed two of four drives had failed, one of them already in 2016. Now it’s collecting dust until I can afford to start a rescue run with dd. I don’t have much hope left, since it was RAID5 with four disks, but it’ll be a fun experience. Probably.

2015 was an exciting year, because a lot of things changed. My parents split up and my mum needed her own computer, so I made a good trade deal with her (for me). I would give her my two laptops and she’d buy me a new one. That was a 15″ Lenovo B50-80 with an Intel i7 quad-core processor, an AMD mobile graphics card and 8gb of ram. It’s a good little ‘puter, served me well in these past two years, but I have some issues with it. Maybe I’ll write about them in another post. Gotta make up goals for this blog.

I also finally invested in a desktop. Nothing fancy, nothing capable of high-end gaming, but a cute little computer that runs well. It consists of a µATX mainboard from Gigabyte, an Intel i5-4570 quad core processor and 16gb of ram. I do passive cooling with one ventilator. One day I might try to do some watercooling, but in 2015 I wasn’t ready yet. I already had an SSD for it, so I just build it, put the SSD in and bootet it up. Worked like a charm. In early 2017 I got a new, smaller case for it (so now that “little” part of the description earlier is actually true). That’s the Corsair Air 240 (Link [you can click it, I don’t earn anything if you do]). Now it doesn’t take up so much space on my desk.

Also in 2017 I bought my first own Thinkpad, the 200s. I got it in the Greatest Country since countries were invented while I was doing an unpaid internship in said country. Sometimes I wish Craigslist was a thing were I live. And in 2018 I got a new printer because my old one wouldn’t print no more.

So, to summarize:
– one 15″ laptop from Samsung (not in my possession anymore, and my cousin wrecked it with cola)
– one 17″ laptop from XMG/Schenker (my mum uses it as a desktop)
– one 11″ laptop from Lenovo (my mum lent it to me, still haven’t given it back, but she doesn’t need it, so…)
– one 15″ laptop from Lenovo (STILL with me, yay!)
– one 12.5″ thinkpad 200s (still with me, working on it)
– one desktop

I almost forgot to mention that I have one 24″ monitor for my desktop. I used to have four, but then I got poor and had to sell three for food. (It wasn’t really as bad, but I didn’t want four monitors anymore.)

That’s all for today. Let’s see if I can keep this up.